The Bullpen Gospels: Major League Dreams of a Minor League Veteran [Audio CD]

One of the greatest baseball books of modern times hit North America's books stores this week. Shockingly, it was written by a guy who was more interested in growing up to be Trevor Hoffman, not Peter Gammons. Those aren't my words. They are the opening sentences of ESPN baseball analyst Jayson Stark's review of The Bullpen Gospels by Dirk Hayhurst.

The book is receiving rave reviews not only for its baseball-related content, but also for Hayhurst's pained, personal story. But don't be confused. This story is neither an over-the-top expose on today's players, nor a "aw shucks" feel-good tale. In fact, it is not easy to put this book into a single category.

The book centers around the 2007 season when Hayhurst moves between different levels of the San Diego Padres minor league system. Hayhurst use pseudonyms and composite characters (e.g. Pickles, Rosco, Slappy, & Maddog) to protect his teammates' identifies. This is raw stuff, some times cringe-worthy, sophomorphic fun, other times cringe-worthy pain, delivered in machine gun bursts by a gifted writer. A particular passage about an octopus copulating a bagpipe had me laughing so hard I couldn't catch my breath.

Bullpen is compelling because of the style, or "voice" with which it is written. Hayhurst's style is disarmingly conversatinal and self-deprecating; exposing the reader to the lighter side of baseball, but also to his inner most fears and demons. He does so in a manner that makes you feel like you are in the room with him and his teammates shooting the breeze. The style draws you in, his stories are intoxicating, and the result is a spellbinding read.

The grit and realism starts right from the prologue.

"I was the team's long relief man. A nonglorious pitching role designed to protect priority pitchers. If the starting pitcher broke down or the game got out of control, I came in to clean up so the bullpen wasn't exhausted. Despite feel-good semantics supplied by the organization, my main job was mopping up lost causes. Why waste a talented pitcher when there was a perfectly useless guy for the job? I could pitch five innings in a blowout or face one batter in the seventeenth inning. Put it this way: if I could have done any other role successfully, I wouldn't have been the long man."

Usually, when I review a book, I take notes to remind myself of things I might want to weave into the review. That approach was hopeless with this book. There are far too many memorable moments to keep track of. Below is an excerpt of a comparatively tame episode amongst the many:

"As we made our way to the pen, fans splashed against the stadium's fenceing, begging us for autographs. We signed everything from hats and programs to ticket stubs and sandwich wrappers. It always boggles my mind how fans will fight all over themselves at a chance to get one of our names scribbled on their souvenirs. If only they knew what we were under these jerseys. Just hours before the game, the team debated the question of when a protein shake should be consumed--before or after sex? During, we decided, if you have a hand free."

Hayhurst is currently with the Toronto Blue Jay organization, but on injured reserve. He has been in the bigs with both San Diego and Toronto after a 4-year up and down minor league career bouncing between A, AA, and AAA.

Mark Ahrens
[...]

I have a very large collection of baseball books , and this is one of my favorites. I had been waiting for it ever since I heard an interview with the author, Dirk Hayhurst, 6 or 8 weeks ago. What a gem! It is a rare "baseball book" that even nonfans will love, but this is it. I started reading it while getting ready for work the first day after it arrived. When I glanced up at a clock, I noticed it was over an hour later! I have never been that engrossed. I cover a minor league team for a radio station and maybe have a little better feel for some of the things these guys experience, but no one (even in Ball Four) quite captured the emotional roller coaster players experience, especially when they are not always successful. More importantly, Dirk gave us a lot of insight into how easy it is to lose your "humanity" when you put on a jersey. I will never forget the stories he tells about walking in a homeless man's shoes and fulfilling a dying child's greatest wish by bringing him into the bullpen. I cried a bucket of tears not just from the sheer pathos of some of the stories but also because some of the stories are absolutely hilarious. Hayhurst has this incredibly self-effacing honesty that is so refreshing. Thank God, English majors sometimes wind up playing baseball! When his baseball career is over, Dirk Hayhurst could have a great career as a writer or cartoonist (another field in which he dabbles). I am glad that this long reliever (aka "mopup guy") in the bullpen had a lot of time on his hands to take notes that became this book.

I've known a few former minor league ballplayers in my life and have told them how envious I am of anyone who can tell their children and grandchildren that "I used to play baseball for a living" and have always been somewhat surprised when none of them ever seemed to share my enthusiasm. I never understood why none of them seemed as excited about their careers as I was.

After reading Hayhurst's book I now understand. To the overwhelming majority of minor leaguers, professional baseball only represented Failure. Obviously, most of them never make it to the bigs dispite their best efforts.

Few of us have to live with the reality of failing at something we dedicated so much time and effort to, but that is the reality of most minor league ballplayers.

We 'civilians' see them as guys who were playing baseball for a living when the rest of us were doing 9-5 jobs. Most of these guys wind up dead broke and have to start life all over again in their late 20's looking for a 9-5 job.

Hayhurst is a great writer with a great future. I would've given this book 5 stars but for the fact that he seemed to dwell a little too much about his personal problems which were no different than anybody else's problems. A couple of times I found myself thinking "welcome to the world, Dirk". At the same time, I couldn't put the book down.