Fear of Dying Formato Kindle

I was 21-years-old when Erica Jong's FEAR OF FLYING was published, and I remember being mesmerized by the way she wrote about sex. This was 1973, and while the woman's movement was definitely going strong, female sexuality was still something mysterious and not totally acceptable to talk about. But Jong's narrator, Isadora Wing, longed for what she called the "zipless ****," a spontaneous sexual encounter with a nameless stranger that would be pure experience without attachments, strings, or obligations. And now, over four decades later, Jong revisits Isadora's world in FEAR OF DYING, which focuses on the vast changes in women's lives as we grow old and face our own mortality. This time, the narrator is 60-year-old Vanessa Wonderman, a "darling friend" of Isadora's who is dealing with her aging parents, her 85-year-old husband, and a beloved standard poodle also nearing his end. The story Vanessa tells is somber and difficult, but also uplifting and affirming in surprising ways. I'm just a few years older than Vanessa, and I totally identify with her struggles to deal with her dying parents, her fears about her husband's health issues, and her oddly beautiful attachment to her poodle Belinda. It's just the sex talk that doesn't quite work for me this time around. And there's lot of it!

The one thing I remember most about FEAR OF FLYING was what happened when Isadora finally found herself in a position to experience the "zipless ****." Instead of leaping into it with open arms, she rebuffed the stranger's advances, realizing only much later that she had missed her chance. In FEAR OF DYING, Vanessa is a former soap opera actress who has had many zipless experiences, as well as countless "zipped-up" ones. She's been married several times, had an abundance of lovers, and sees herself as a sexually free woman. She's also super wealthy, as is her billionaire husband. But as she watches her parents grow weaker and weaker in their final months of life, it's sex she hopes will save her from the "fear of dying." She runs an ad on a fantasy sex website. She contacts former lovers. What does she want, Jong asks? "I wanted sex to prove that I would never die," Vanessa says.

Like Vanessa and Isadora (and like Erica Jong), I've changed a lot in the past 40-plus years. What titillated and intrigued me in 1973 doesn't quite do the same today. I, too, am dealing with the end of my parents' lives. Like Vanessa's Asher, my own husband has health issues that threaten to cut short his life. And my own beloved cat (like Vanessa's dog, Belinda) is showing signs that her life, too, may be nearing its end. It's all very hard, and very real, and very much a part of all of our lives. But I can't quite identify with Vanessa's delight in sexual dalliances, her love of sexually charged words I can't imagine using in casual speech, or her conviction that through orgasm she can immunize herself against death. The novel's first line is, "I used to love the power I had over men," which is all about sex. By the end, however, Vanessa realizes that "We give [sex] much more power than it perhaps deserves."

I loved parts of FEAR OF DYING, because it spoke to me of things I, myself, am pondering these days. What gives us purpose? How can we forgive ourselves our shortcomings? How can we forgive those who have hurt us? And how can we face the end of life, when we're never quite sure what living is in the first place? As Vanessa finally says, "Death is fearlessness. It's the anticipation of our dying that's the problem." In some ways, Vanessa begins this novel believing that life is a huge joke, with death as its ultimate punch line. She longs for sex as a means of anesthetizing herself against the punch in the gut she knows will eventually come. But she learns pretty much the same thing her friend Isadora did years before - life and death are the same thing. The very act of living is also the act of dying, since every step we take, every move we make, brings us that much closer to the end. It's not sex that ends up saving Vanessa, but living. "Don't be afraid," Jong tells us. "Fear is a waste of life." And that is something we can all celebrate.

This is an intelligent and literary novel with a believable and identifiable protagonist. She may be a bit more sexually super-charged than many of us in our sixties, but her journey is in many ways all of ours. I do recommend FEAR OF DYING.

I read Erica Jong's Fear of Flying and How to Save Your Own Life as a young feminist at the time they were published. I loved both books. I thought they were witty, insightful, well-constructed and well-written, and just all-around fun, terrific reads. I could quote from both of them. When I saw that Jong had published Fear of Dying I bought it eagerly. What a disappointment! This book is long, vapid, narcissistic, rambling and - ultimately - utterly boring. Vanessa, the main character, is not believable. And if Jong is depicting a real person, this isn't someone I would be interested in knowing anything about. I also consider it to be very sloppy writing which shows little respect for the reader. It's repetitive. It's redundant. Its lengthy musings wander in a disorganized fashion. It's presumptuous. Jong employs a great deal of generalization and claims to speak for all women. There's little evidence of an editorial hand. It's hard not to be think that Jong and her publisher hoped to cash in on her former success.and that this book was written quickly in order to do so.
I want to note something else that I haven't seen mentioned in other reviews. Jong gets alot wrong about Jewish ritual observance, sacred text and liturgy. I cringed as I read some of her pronouncements. Her portrayal of Judaism is embarrassing to those who are actually Jewishly literate, treasure Judaism, and work hard to make themselves knowledgeable about it. Just because she writes about Judaism doesn't mean she actually knows what she's talking about. (She doesn't.) Who on earth edited this?

Whether most of us speak it out loud or not, many of us in our 50s and 60s are concerned about the process of aging and dying.

Erica Jong takes us along for her ride of inquiry into these issues in a way that is funny, sexy, painful and, ultimately, calming. It's been decades since I read "Fear of Flying"; in its way "Fear of Dying" is an apt and satisfying follow-up.

There was one thing that interfered with my feeling that I was a privileged girl friend having an intimate conversation with her: I felt alienated by the massive wealth of her, her husband, her friends and her family members. If she had had to worry that she'd lose everything--her home, her job, her carefully earned savings--by caring for a sick family member, or for a medical catastrophe, the luxury of erotic liaisons and $1,000 shoes would have been obviates.

As a 60ish woman, it was great to read a novel where the main character is faced with many of the same problems that my friends and I have - being caught in the struggle between problems with children. problems with parents and problems with what aging does to our bodies. The author handled all of this and more in her book. This is more of a series of vignettes than it is a novel but it was amusing and sad and enjoyable. It might be difficult for someone young to understand some of the problems that the author discusses in this book but its a good read for anyone who is 60 or over.

I felt Ms. Jong was drawing on her own life experiences a great deal, and the mentioning of brand names and commercials made me wonder if she had received assistance from the various products and commercials. While the main character showed some insight into what it is like to be a woman over 60, I felt that the writing was not as steady or as interesting as it might have been. The main character's attitude toward her dying parents seemed conflicted, although her dedication to their care seemed admirable. I was not sure what the author was reaching for in this view of contemporary old age.